Ice Cream, I Scream
by dead drifter
Summary: Oneshot Yaoi KakuDei. Everyone is outside cooling off, but Kakuzu is stuck in the house due to a broken leg. Deidara decides to visit. Featuring ice cream, naughty tentacle butt secks and a 69!


"**Ice Cream, I Scream"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki. If I did, the world would be a better place. **

**A/N: THIS IS THE SECOND KAKUDEI OF FFNET! And it also includes a frozen treat. "Clay and Thread," which I am not posting until I work out the whole story, will probably be the third KakuDei. Unless I can get some more slob to write one for me. Like Kikyo Uchiha did. You should go check out her stories, by the way. **

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The old missing Falls nin reclined on his bed, an open window above it letting in a hot, humid breeze. Kakuzu wiped the sweat from his forehead and glared at his hand. He hoped it would rain soon, so that this sweltering heat would be washed away. His leg was in a cast due to a mission gone wrong, mostly because of Hidan's shoddy performance, and it was elevated by some sort of contraption Sasori had rigged up for him. 

Another breeze blew in, feeling like dragon's breath, and Kakuzu inwardly cursed. The sound of splashing and laughter, followed by a curse, carried through the window.

Kakuzu sighed, fanning his face with his hand. It was too fucking hot to do anything. Hidan had suggested he join the rest of the crew in the pool out back, but Kakuzu didn't want to be nearly naked in a public pool, with a leg in a cast (it was waterproof, Hidan had argued, and floating would do his body some good) and all those eyes on him. He had always been insecure about his body, and although he could easily insult anyone who dared poke fun at his appearance, it was harder to do that when he was outnumbered.

Suddenly, he heard thundering feet as someone ran into the house. There was a screech of wet, bare feet as someone slid on the kitchen floor. When he heard the slamming of the cupboards and the clinking of silverware, Kakuzu felt anger burn within him, rising like bile in his throat. If any dishes were broken, he'd…

"KAATSU!" Deidara yelled in the kitchen, and Kakuzu tensed, wishing he could walk. The little bastard would pay.

Kakuzu glared at the crutches propped up against the opposite wall and collapsed back into his bed. He wanted to burst into the kitchen and choke the little blond to death, but being on crutches sort of made things difficult. Let someone else deal with the mess, he thought. The missing Falls nin sighed again. He heard footsteps in the hallway and froze. Did he remember to lock the door? He was only in his boxers, after all. The footsteps receded, and Kakuzu heard a door open and then snap shut.

The silence made it clear that it had been Itachi. True, Sasori didn't make much noise either, but his joints had a slight creak to them, if you listened closely. Another set of feet padded down the hallway then, the clink of silverware on glass very audible in the still house. To Kakuzu's horror, the door knob turned, and Deidara entered his bedroom, a spoon in his mouth and a bowl of ice cream in his hand.

"Hey, un," Deidara said casually, leaning against the doorway. Kakuzu glared at him, hastily throwing a sheet over himself. The blond snorted and approached the older man. He dipped his spoon into his bowl and scooped up a good amount of chocolate ice cream and licked it, watching Kakuzu with that sly grin on his face. Kakuzu wanted to kill him.

"Do you want some ice cream, Kakuzu-danna? Un?" Deidara asked innocently, taking in the beads of sweat on Kakuzu's face and the way his dark hair clung to his skin, matted and damp.

"No. Now get out," Kakuzu snarled, pointing at the door while pulling the sheet up over his face. Deidara seemed to have a death wish, because instead of obeying his elders, he sat on the bed, now licking the back of his spoon. He scooped up more ice cream and held it out to Kakuzu. The old man's left eye began to twitch, the first warning sign. Deidara stuck out his lower lip in a pout.

"Aw, please? And you don't have to hide your stitches, un. Your face ain't so bad…"

Deidara tugged the sheet down to expose Kakuzu's face. Kakuzu shot his arm out and grabbed onto Deidara's long fringe, yanking hard on it. Deidara's eyes watered and he smacked Kakuzu's hand away. Kakuzu wasn't really in the mood to fight, for once. He took a deep breath, trying to will his anger level to go down a few notches.

"You doing that technique from anger management?" Deidara asked with a laugh, scraping his spoon against his bowl as he ate his ice cream. A dribble of chocolate ran down his chin, and he had the mouth on his palm lick it off. Kakuzu watched the action and swallowed.

"Can you get out already? I don't want ice cream, I don't want to swim, and I don't want company."

"Don't be such a grouch, un! Here, it's cold, it'll cool you off."

Deidara shoveled another spoonful of the frozen chocolate treat, and pressed the spoon against Kakuzu's lips. Kakuzu jerked his face to the side and smacked the hand procuring the spoon away. Deidara tsked.

"Come on now! UN!"

Kakuzu glared. His blood pressure was rising, and it was making him sweat even more. The old missing Falls nin had violence on his mind. Deidara _was_ invading his personal space, after all. Only Hidan ever dared to get this close to him. And usually, Hidan ended up in a bloody mess on the floor.

"If you don't fuck off, I'm going to rape you," Kakuzu snarled. Deidara's eyes widened and he dropped his spoon. It clattered to the floor.

"_What?!"_

"You heard me. Now get out!"

Kakuzu pushed Deidara roughly off the bed, and the blond fell in a heap on the ground. He looked up at Kakuzu with tears brimming in his blue eyes, his lip trembling, ice cream dripping down his face.

"K-Kakuzu-danna! I was just trying to be nice!" Deidara whined, wiping at his tears. Kakuzu tried to will himself to hold his ground, but the blond knew how to get what he wanted.

"Your big shiny chibi eyes won't work on me!" Kakuzu howled. Deidara sniffed and crawled back onto the bed. He leaned over Kakuzu and peered into his face, his big, black rimmed eyes glittering, the mascara running down his cheeks. It was so pathetically cute that Kakuzu couldn't stand it.

"Curse your fucking eyes!" Kakuzu snarled and pulled Deidara in for a kiss. It was rather wet and messy because of the ice cream and the tears, but Kakuzu enjoyed it nonetheless. Deidara swung his leg over Kakuzu and straddled his hips without breaking the kiss. Kakuzu plunged his tongue into Deidara's mouth, tasting chocolate and chlorine from the pool.

Deidara and Kakuzu tilted their heads, feverishly devouring each other's mouths with nipping, sucking and much drooling. Deidara began to grind into Kakuzu, the thin sheet allowing the blond to feel Kakuzu's bulge in his boxers. Deidara broke away from the kiss in order to breathe. He looked down at Kakuzu with lidded eyes and licked all around his lips, smiling seductively. Kakuzu was breathing hard, wanting to leap up, throw the kid over the edge of the bed and fuck him to death, but his leg was still slung up, wrapped in a cast that greatly impeded his movements.

Kakuzu glared at his cast, and Deidara followed his gaze.

"I guess we'll have to make do, un," Deidara said and climbed off of the bed. Kakuzu watched him curiously. Deidara pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. Next came his shorts, and his boxers. The sight of a nude, fully aroused Deidara made the old nin slide his hand beneath the sheet to rub at his own crotch. Deidara laughed and flipped his hair and went back over to the bed. Kakuzu licked his lips, feeling more sweat trickle down his face. He wanted to eat Deidara alive. Kakuzu reached out to brush his fingers against Deidara's cock, and the boy gasped.

"Un…don't tease me, old man. I have something in store for you," Deidara said, forcing Kakuzu's hand away. The blond yanked the sheet off of Kakuzu and eyed his bulging crotch, straining in the thin fabric of his boxers. Deidara gripped the waistband and slid them down Kakuzu's thighs, the older man's cock springing up when it was freed of the constricting clothing.

Deidara couldn't pull the boxers down too far because of the broken leg suspended up in the air, so he used the mouths on his hands to rip the fabric down the sides and tear it off. Kakuzu was furious.

"Hey, those were perfectly good boxers!" Kakuzu yelled. Deidara snorted.

"I'll buy you a new pair. Now, we can get to the fun stuff, un," Deidara said, and sat on Kakuzu's hips, the old man's cock pressing up against his backside. Kakuzu immediately wrapped his hands around Deidara's erection and pumped his fist up and down. Deidara leaned back and grunted, bucking his hips.

"Un…Kuzu…make me cum…" Deidara whimpered, biting his lip. Kakuzu grinned and stopped fisting the blond. Deidara opened his eyes and pouted.

"Don't stop!"

"I'm in charge here," Kakuzu growled and grabbed Deidara by the waist and repositioned the blond so that he was on all fours, his lower end hovering over Kakuzu's face. Deidara's eyes widened and he looked behind him.

"Kakuzu, what…?!"

The blond jerked and gasped as Kakuzu squeezed his ass and took Deidara's length into his mouth, threads from his tongue slithering up between his cheeks. Deidara thrust into Kakuzu's mouth and turned around to face Kakuzu's large, throbbing cock. He grabbed the base with his right hand, the palm licking along the hot organ, and flicked his own tongue out to toy with the slit at the tip of the head. Kakuzu moaned around Deidara's cock, the vibrations sending chills down the younger man's spine.

Deidara wrapped his lips around Kakuzu's cock and gradually took more of it into his mouth as he bobbed his head up and down while rocking his hips, shoving his own cock deep in Kakuzu's throat. Deidara's long blond hair fell over his shoulders and draped over Kakuzu's legs, one of the missing Rock nin's hands supporting his weight while the other licked a wet line along the inside of Kakuzu's thigh, driving the older man into a frenzy. He thrust hard upwards, forcing Deidara to deep throat him, and the blond gagged and pulled his mouth away. Kakuzu growled around Deidara's cock and pushed his head back down.

The blond once more took Kakuzu's cock into his mouth. Kakuzu sucked hard on Deidara, swallowing every drop of precum, squeezing Deidara's ass with bruising force. Deidara made a muffled cry as he was suddenly penetrated by the strange, wriggling threads seeping out of Kakuzu's mouth. They were slick with saliva and curled deep inside him, expertly seeking out his prostate. Deidara continued to moan and groan as he sucked Kakuzu off, quickly approaching orgasm. Both of them were nearly ready to explode, and the old missing Falls nin stroked Deidara one last time, and he came into Kakuzu's mouth, pulling his own lips away from Kakuzu's cock to cry aloud. Kakuzu came a second later, shooing cum all over Deidara's chest and face, the milky substance also splattering his hair.

Kakuzu swallowed Deidara's cum and held Deidara's hips as the blond threatened to keel over. The blond turned around again when he had the strength, and smiled weakly at Kakuzu. The old man was already growing hard again just at the sight of Deidara's flushed face, splatters of his own seed on his skin.

Deidara rubbed his ass into Kakuzu's groin, the friction and the scent of sex easily hardening his cock enough to continue. The blond reached under to grasp Kakuzu's cock, and slammed his body down onto it, whimpering as his insides were stretched to accommodate Kakuzu's girth. Deidara began to bounce up and down, leaning in to catch Kakuzu's lips. He could taste the salty tang of his own cum on Kakuzu's tongue.

The older man thrust upwards into Deidara as he slammed down, moaning feebly, his long hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. Deidara pleasured himself with his hand as he rode Kakuzu, both men sweating profusely and grunting and rocking in the stifling hot room. The two came more quickly the second time, Kakuzu shooting his seed deep inside Deidara's tight ass while Deidara's hand drank his own. Deidara collapsed while still impaled by Kakuzu and rested his head on the older man's chest, placing one hand over Kakuzu's heart. Cum leaked out of the hand and drizzled onto Kakuzu's sweaty skin.

Kakuzu pulled the gold, matted strands of hair out of Deidara's face and kissed him on the forehead. The two lay like that for a while, savoring each other's company in the hot, humid bedroom, listening to the cicada song drifting through the window.

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**Eh…I never know how to end stuff…oh well. I used 'penetration' just for you, Emmy-Danna! **


End file.
